Three Blows Is All It Takes
by DaughterOfPoseidon333
Summary: All it took was three blows to land Kensi in the hospital. When the doctors tell Deeks what Kensi's injuries mean, he finds out what she's been hiding, and that something much bigger than he'd originally thought happened on the night they spent together 2 months ago. How many more blows before one of their hearts can't be glued back together?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello all! **

**So, not really sure where this idea came from. It sort of just jumped my brain and then this happened =) This story has nothing to do with my other NCIS LA stories.**

**The story is set about 8 months after the Sidorov case/season 4 finale.**

**I don't own NCIS LA.**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter One

"There," Kensi turned her eyes down the sidewalk.

Deeks followed her gaze, eyes locking onto their current suspect—a middle-aged former Marine named Victor Reeze, who was caught leaving the crime scene of a fellow Marine, who had been tortured and killed the day before. Kensi and Deeks started walking towards Reeze, who was about thirty yards down the sidewalk from them.

"Someone's a little jumpy," Kensi commented, observing the way Reeze kept checking his watch, glancing at the street, and suspiciously eyeing every pedestrian that came within ten feet of him.

"And I doubt it's from having more than his fair share of morning coffee," Deeks smiled, looking at her.

Kensi tried to smile back, but she knew it probably looked forced, because it sure as hell _felt _forced. Deeks' smile faded slowly, and he turned to look back at Reeze. Kensi felt a pang in her heart. Ever since that night two months ago, things had been different between them. And now with what Kensi had been keeping from him the past few weeks…_No. Don't go there, Blye. Focus! _she told herself.

They were getting closer and closer to Reeze, the distance dwindling with each step. They were walking casually as they could while still being on guard. They were twenty feet away when Reeze spotted them. Kensi didn't know what it was about her and Deeks that made people tag them as cops, but it happened all the time. Reeze froze for a second, before he bolted.

Kensi immediately took off after him.

"I'll go around, cut him off!" Deeks shouted, taking off in the opposite direction.

Kensi dodged around pedestrians, giving the ones that Reeze toppled over a quick reassuring touch before continuing to charge after him. Reeze pulled a sharp right into a wide alley. Kensi slowed as she neared the corner, pulling her gun out from the back of her jeans. She raised her SIG, only to have it knocked out of her hands as she rounded the corner to the alley. The gun clattered to the asphalt and she raised her hands instinctively as Reeze threw a punch, which she deflected with her forearm. She blocked another hit, then raised her own fist, connected with his jaw. Reeze grunted, but it wasn't nearly enough to put him down. He came at her with his whole body, and she sidestepped, landing a kick into his side. He faltered a little and Kensi landed another punch across his face.

He stooped, and for a moment Kensi thought she had him. She bent down to retrieve her gun when, almost faster than she could process, Reeze had his hands locked around her neck. He brought his knee up to her abdomen.

_One, _Kensi gasped as the air escaped from her lungs.

_Two, _her knees almost buckled from the impact, white-hot pain firing through her abdomen.

_Three blows, _she went down, gasping for air, clutching at her stomach.

"Kensi!" Deeks worried voice bounce around the alley, echoing in her ears.

Through her blurry vision, she saw Deeks' raised gun, aimed directly at Reeze's heart.

"Get down! Hands on your head. I said _get down_!" Deeks shouted, forcing Reeze to the ground, more roughly than he usually did with suspects.

Kensi's vision cleared, and she grabbed her gun off the ground. She forced herself to stand, taking in one deep breath after another, trying to ignore the pain in her stomach. She watched as Deeks tightened the cuffs around Reeze's wrists, pinching the skin. Deeks hauled Reeze to his feet, shoving him forward as they headed back to Kensi's car.

"You okay?" Deeks asked her after shutting Reeze in the car.

"Yeah, I'm good." she replied, though it came out as a bit of a croak.

Deeks raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

Kensi rolled her eyes. "Deeks, really, I'll be okay. It's not like I haven't been beat up before."

"At least let me drive then," Deeks said after a minute, still eyeing her with concern.

Kensi nodded and climbed in on the passenger side, knowing that even if she couldn't grant him the truth right now, the least she could do was let him drive her car.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

_Two Days Later…_

Deeks looked up at Kensi from his desk yet again. Ever since her fight with Victor Reeze—who _did _murder the Marine—he could tell something was up with her. Granted, ever since that night two months ago, she'd been a little more distant. Their partnership, friendship, their _thing _was more strained. But this was different. He could tell she was hurting, no matter how hard she tried to deny it. As she opened up her bottle of Tylenol and popped two pills in her mouth, wincing from whatever pain she was feeling, he wanted to go over and take her in his arms. He wanted any pain she felt to vanish just through his touch. But she would never allow that.

Kensi stood, pushing away from her desk a little clumsily, grimacing as she absently rubbed her side.

"Kens—?" he started, moving to get out of his own chair.

Kensi cut his protest off with a wave of her hand. "I'm fine, Deeks. I'll be right back,"

She headed off in the direction of the bathrooms. Sam and Callen looked up, concern wrinkling their brows as their eyes flicked back and forth between him and Kensi's disappearing form.

"Deeks, do you know what's up with Kensi?" Callen asked.

Deeks shook his head. "No. She's been like this ever since we caught Reeze. I'll…I'll be right back," he mumbled, walking away from the bullpen.

He started following Kensi down the hall towards the bathrooms. He didn't really know what he was planning on doing, it's not like he could go in the Ladies' Room. But he didn't have to worry for long, because Nell came out of the incinerator room across the hall.

"Nell, hey!" he called, stopping her.

"Deeks, hey," she greeted with a little smile. "What can I do for you?"

"Could you check on Kensi for me," he asked, deciding to skip any unnecessary words.

Nell gave him a slightly puzzled look.

"I, um, I would, but uh," he nodded his chin in the direction of the women's room. "I can't. Please, Nell."

Nell's look of puzzlement turned into one of concern, but she nodded. Deeks waited right outside as Nell pushed her way into the bathroom. Deeks paced outside, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans to keep them from shaking. He knew it had only been a minute or two, but it felt like an eternity since Nell had entered the bathroom. He was about to give in a just go see what was happening for himself, not caring how much Sam and Callen would tease him for it, when Nell cried out.

"Deeks, get in here!"

Deeks had never moved so fast in his life. He bolted into the bathroom, taking in the scene before him. Nell was hovering over Kensi, who was doubled over in pain, hands clutching at her abdomen like they had two days ago when Reeze had kneed her three times—hard—in the stomach. From the look on her face—mouth open in a silent gasp, forehead wrinkled—it was excruciating. Kensi audibly gasped, and sank even lower. She would've collapsed had he not been there to catch her.

"Nell, go call 911 and tell the guys, now!" he said loudly.

Nell, eyes wide in fear for her friend, obliged, darting out of the bathroom.

"Kensi? Kensi?" Deeks called her name as he lowered her to the cool tile of the bathroom floor.

She gasped again, her face screwing up in pain. Deeks scanned her body for any visible injuries. He didn't see any, but his eyes zeroed in on a dark stain on her light jeans, spreading slowly between her legs. It was definitely blood. His first thought was that she was on her period, but she would not be reacting like this if she was. Because he knew her well enough to know that even though she got crankier and more Twinkie-hungry on her period than usual, she never had it this bad. His second thought was internal bleeding. He wasn't entirely sure if you bled from down there if there was internal damage, but it was the only thing he could think of.

"Kensi, it's okay. You're gonna be okay. Nell's calling an ambulance. We're gonna get you checked out okay?" Deeks murmured to her, holding her hand.

Sweat beaded on her face, and Deeks thought he saw tears form in her eyes. She squeezed his hand so tight his fingers turned purple as her back arched and she let out a whimper. She might as well have been squeezing his heart. He hated seeing her like this. He didn't know if this was from her fight with Reeze, but if so, it made him wish he had shot the guy.

"Deeks," Callen said as he and Sam came into the bathroom. "What happened?"

"I don't know," Deeks replied, not taking his eyes off of Kensi's face.

Callen hovered anxiously over them as Sam knelt down and wiped Kensi's hair back from her sweaty forehead, taking in her condition much like Deeks had done a minute ago.

"The ambulance is here," Nell said, poking her head in, and Deeks saw the EMTs behind her from the corner of his eye.

Sam and Callen cleared out, but Deeks didn't leave his partner's side as the EMTs shuffled in. he helped them hoist her onto a gurney. Her hand didn't leave his the entire time. Only when the EMTs pushed him back, refusing to let him ride in the ambulance, did their fingers unlatch.

** So there's chapter one! Hope you guys liked it =) Chapter 2 is in progress now, and I'll post it within a week, so stay tuned! **

**Please review and tell me what you guys think! I very much appreciate them. Feel free to leave constructive criticism and any questions you guys have.**

** Thanks for reading!**

** -DaughterOfPoseidon333**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm just going to start by saying that I am completely blown away by the feedback this story has gotten so far! You guys are amazing and spectacular and just plain awesome =) THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for all the reviews, favorites, and follows! And an especially great big thank you for all of you who follow me and read my past stories; you guys keep me going, so THANK YOU!**

**Okay, so before I get started on this next chapter, just gonna warn you guys. This story is gonna be a whole lot of angst. So count on lots of angst till the very end. Just fair warning =)**

**Anyway, disclaimer still stands. I still don't own NCIS LA. **

**Enjoy!**

Chapter Two

Deeks was surprised his eyes hadn't bored a hole in the door yet.

For the past…hour? Two hours? For the past…_forever…_he'd been staring at the door to Kensi's hospital room, as if somehow glaring at the wood would make the doctor come out faster. He'd taken turns pacing, tapping his foot against the floor, and picking nonexistent fuzz off of his t-shirt.

The second the ambulance had peeled away from the Mission, sirens blaring, Deeks had hopped in his car and followed. Callen and Sam had arrived soon after, telling him that they'd updated Hetty and Eric about Kensi's situation. What _exactly _that situation was, Deeks didn't know, because the doctors were taking _forever_—

"Is one of you here for Ms. Blye?"

Deeks' head snapped up to see the woman doctor—and another, older, more portly male doctor that had been tending to Kensi—looking between Sam, Callen, and him. He cast a brief glance over at the older agents, who gave him an encouraging nod.

"I am," he replied, following the doctors as they led him to a corner at the end of the hallway.

"I'm Doctor Sommers, and this is Doctor Harper," the woman held out a hand and Deeks shook it. Dr. Harper didn't offer a hand, but instead simply stood quietly by Dr. Sommers' side.

"Deeks," he replied.

"Just to clarify," the woman started. "you're her…boyfriend?"

Deeks shifted from one foot to the other, crossing his arms over his chest. "Um…just a close friend, actually."

Dr. Sommers nodded, then gave a small, sad smile before taking a deep breath. She seemed reluctant to speak. Automatically, Deeks' mind came up with every worst-case scenario he could think of.

"Is Kensi alright?" he asked quietly, not really sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"Yes, she's fine," she doctor assured him. "I'm afraid I have some bad news, though."

Deeks tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. Sensing his struggle to form a proper sentence, the doctor pushed on.

"Kensi told us that a couple of days ago she was in a fight, yes?" the doctor said, sharing a look with Dr. Harper, skirting around whatever bad news she had.

"Yeah, she was," Deeks confirmed. "She seemed okay. I mean, she was sore and in pain, but I assumed that she was just bruised real badly. Is…is there internal damage or something?"

"Kensi does have some bruising cross her stomach from the attack. There is some very minor internal damage, but nothing that won't heal itself. But," Dr. Sommers paused, and Deeks knew the worst was yet to come. "Kensi was two months pregnant. I'm afraid that the blows to her abdomen caused premature contractions and caused a miscarriage."

The doctor continued to speak a little longer, but Deeks didn't hear over the roaring of blood in his ears. All sound, all movement, everything dropped out around him. He couldn't speak around his suddenly extremely dry throat. Even with his arms crossed, his hands shook. In fact, his whole body shook. He stumbled a bit, his legs like jello beneath him. He felt his eyes sting as tears formed. _Kensi was two months pregnant. _Though part of him was still processing the whole 'pregnant' thing, his brain mostly kept repeating the word '_was' _over and over. She _was _pregnant. As in past tense. As in no longer pregnant. That was the part his brain couldn't process, _refused _to process. Refused to believe it was true.

"Mr. Deeks?" Dr. Sommers' voice broke through his thoughts.

He blinked back the moisture in his eyes, forcing himself to see through the haze. He swallowed loudly, taking in the sad faces of the doctors.

"I'm sorry, what?" he asked, though it came out choked, broken. Just like his heart.

"I was wondering if you had any idea who the father is. We'd like to be able to contact him if we could," Dr. Sommers repeated, not looking at all annoyed for his lack of focus.

Deeks almost laughed out loud. Not because any of this was at all funny, but because it suddenly occurred to him—the baby…the baby was _his. _It had been _his and Kensi's baby. _For two whole months, without even knowing it, he had been a father.

"There's no need to call anyone," he started, taking a deep breath. "I'm the father."

Dr. Sommers and Dr. Harper both raised an eyebrow in surprise before realization dawned over their features.

"Oh," Dr. Sommers breathed. "I'm sorry. About the baby. Truly. I take it you didn't know, then?"

"No," he choked out.

She nodded, then gave a small smile. "Just friends, huh?"

Deeks didn't really know what to say to that. "It's a long story, I guess."

"Well, you can go see her if you like. Just keep in mind that this has been very hard for her as well."

"Thank you," Deeks mumbled as Dr. Sommers and Dr. Harper walked down the hall and disappeared from sight around a corner.

Deeks stood for a moment, still trying to process and trying not to feel angry at Kensi for not telling him that she was pregnant. But why shouldn't he feel mad? It affected the both of them. Why hadn't she told him? Before he could even attempt to answer those questions for himself, Callen and Sam came over to him.

The second Callen saw his face, concern spread out over his features. "Deeks…what's wrong? Is Kensi okay?"

Deeks nodded. "She's alright. More or less,"

"Meaning…?" Sam prompted, wearing an expression equal to that of Callen's.

Deeks took a deep breath and told them. He told them that he and Kensi had slept together two months ago. He told them about Reeze's attack on Kensi and how much pain she'd been in the past few days. He told them that had been because she had been pregnant with his child. Upon revealing that, their faces went from shocked to despair all in a matter of seconds.

"Deeks…we…um…wow." Was all Callen managed to get out, his brow furrowed as his brain worked through what Deeks had just told them.

Sam, whose father-side was showing through, laid a hand on Deeks' shoulder and looked him directly in the eye.

"I'm sorry. Truly, I am." Sam said quietly, sounding very much like Dr. Sommers.

"You should go talk to her," Callen urged. "We called Eric, Nell, and Hetty. We'll wait out here for them to arrive. But you should go have a minute with her."

Deeks nodded numbly, and turned towards Kensi's room. He grasped the door handle, taking several deep breaths, trying to control the tornado of emotions that were slowly consuming him. Steeling himself, he turned the handle.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Kensi watched as Deeks entered her room and quietly shut the door behind him. She followed his movements all the way to the hard plastic chair that sat beside her bed. He wouldn't meet her eyes, wouldn't look at her. She waited, but still, he did nothing, which was so unusual for Deeks. The room filled with their tense silence, suffocating her.

"Deeks," she blurted suddenly. "Say something, please."

He still didn't look up.

"_Please_," she whispered, and he slowly raised his head.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked, his voice hollow and his eyes hard with something close to anger.

"Anything," she replied. "Say something to make me laugh, make a joke, yell at me, just please say _something._"

Kensi didn't beg. It wasn't in her nature. To her, begging was a sign of defeat, of weakness, and she didn't do _weak. _But she begged now. She begged because she needed her partner, her best friend, the _father of her now gone child _to say _something. _

"Just one thing," he started quietly. "I want you to tell me. I want to hear it from you, and not from Dr. Sommers or Dr. Needs-To-Lay-Off-The-Donuts-Harper."

And there it was.

Kensi gave a shaky laugh. Because, of course, being Deeks, he couldn't resist cracking a joke, especially at her request. He always had something to say that would cheer her up. _Always. _Because not matter how upset he was with her, right now or any other time, she knew he could tell that she was upset. He could tell that she was barely holding it together, because he knew her better than she knew herself.

_Barely holding it together _might even be an understatement. She felt as if all the cracks in her resolve would soon meet and she would explode. She didn't know if she would be able to get the words out. She felt tears stinging in her eyes. She clenched her jaw, steeling herself, building up her walls, refusing to let him see her cry right now, even though it would be perfectly acceptable.

Now it was her turn not to look at him, because she knew if she did, the tears would surely fall. She took a deep breath, the air rattling in her chest.

I, uh…I am—" Kensi broke off, her voice cracking. _Dammit, Blye, you can do this! _She told herself. "I _was _pregnant. I lo…I lost the baby." She finished, her voice barely above a whisper.

Even though Deeks already knew that she'd miscarried due to the blows she took from Reeze, she still heard his sharp intake of breath, as if her telling him made it real. She peeked at him out of the corner of her eye. His face was pale, eyes shining with unshed tears. When he saw her looking at him, he ducked his head again. The man who practically _glowed _with happiness on a daily basis looked even more broken than he had after they'd rescued him from Sidorov.

Kensi had to cover her mouth with one hand to keep her sobs from escaping. Her cheeks were wet, the tears having pooled over and fallen like rain. Her body shook as she tried to control her emotions, which were still on high from being pregnant. But it wasn't just the extra hormones in her body. It was seeing her partner like this, barely able to function.

"Um," Deeks gave a shaky, humorless laugh before his voice dropped. "It is—it _was _mine…ours, right?"

Kensi flashed back to that night, two months ago. _On that night, it had been six months since they'd found Sam and Deeks in that awful garage. They'd fought about the kiss. She had been all ready to storm out of his apartment, only to have him grab her wrist gently and pull her against his body, his lips crashing down on hers. All the fight and denial leaving her body as his mouth moved against hers, his hands pulling her body closer, their clothes falling to the floor piece by piece. _

Kensi shook her head, trying to clear the images from her mind, though the warm feeling associated with them remained in her stomach, which not so long ago, had held their baby. And though he _had _to know, in his heart, that it was his, she answered him anyway.

"Yes," she said, nodding. "The baby was yours."

She watched, her heart clenching in her chest as a few stray tears fell from his eyes. He wiped a hand across his face, the salty drops transferring to his fingers.

Before he could open his mouth, she spoke. "Deeks, I know, I _know _I should've told you. I'm sorry. I'm _so sorry, _but I only found out a month ago and I c-couldn't figure out how to tell you, and I couldn't figure out how to say what I wanted and—" Kensi took a breath, knowing that she was babbling. "I just… I didn't know how to tell you…I mean, we're not even _together, _Deeks, and that night—"

Too late, Kensi realized what she'd said. She couldn't even stop to take back the words before Deeks interrupted her.

"What?" he demanded angrily. "That night was what? A mistake? Do you regret it, Kensi?"

Kensi gaped at him, trying to form words, a coherent sentence, but no sound came out.

Deeks sighed, his anger replaced by exhaustion and pain. "I'm sorry about the baby, Kensi. I am so sorry, you have no idea, and I…I just, uh…"

He ran a hand through his hair and took a few deep breaths, casting his eyes down again. He got up, and Kensi knew he was itching to get out of that room and away from her. The thought made her heart lurch up into her throat. But before he moved towards the door, he leaned down next to her ear.

"For the record," he murmured, his breath tickling her skin. "I don't regret it. Not even a little. It was the best night of my life…just thought you should know."

He pulled back and looked at her as if he hadn't uttered a word.

"I'm gonna go call your mom," he said. "The guys are outside, and Nell, Eric, and Hetty are on their way. Do you want me to send them in?"

"I, uh," Kensi blinked away the fresh tears. "Could you just tell them to give me five minutes?"

"Sure,"

Then he turned and walked out the door without so much as a glance back in her direction.

**So there's chapter 2 for you guys! Hope you liked it =) I'm working on chapter 3 right now, and I'm hoping to get it up within a week, but with Thanksgiving coming up, we'll see how things go. **

**Don't forget to review, guys! They are extremely wonderful to receive, and very helpful to let me know what you guys think.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-DaughterOfPoseidon333**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, I can easily say that I am completely blown away by all the attention this story had gotten so far! You're all truly spectacular! Thank you all so much!**

**I don't own NCIS LA. **

**Enjoy!**

Chapter Two

By the time the rest of the team was ready to leave, Kensi was exhausted. She figured they could tell, too, because Callen suddenly announced that it was probably time for them to get going, and everyone else readily agreed.

"I'll stop by tomorrow, Kensi," Nell said, smiling comfortingly. "I'll bring all the Rocky Road you can eat."

Kensi smiled, warmed by her friend's gesture. Nell and Eric left the room, followed by Hetty after her boss told her to rest and get well soon. Kensi wasn't sure how Hetty felt about the fact that she had been pregnant, with Deeks' child no less, but the small woman hadn't seemed at all mad. More sad. Almost like she'd lost a grandchild.

"Take it easy Kens, okay?" Callen said, giving her one of his small, Callen smiles.

"I will," she agreed.

Callen shared a look with Sam, and they had one of their silent conversations. Callen nodded, then followed everyone else out of the room.

"How are you doing, Kensi?" Sam asked gently.

Kensi was going to answer with the typical "I'm fine" or "I'm good", but looking at Sam, found she couldn't even bring herself to lie to make him feel better.

"Not great," she told him, her voice cracking a little.

Sam sat down in the chair that Deeks had occupied not too long before, and took her hands in between his much larger ones.

"I'm so sorry, Kens," Sam said, his eyebrows knitting together. "If you ever need to talk, you call me, okay?"

Kensi nodded. Sam stood, gave her hands a reassuring squeeze, then headed for the door.

"Hey, Sam?" she blurted before his hand met the handle. "Is Deeks still out there, do you know?"

Sam hesitated before answering. "He left after he called your mom. Sorry, Kens."

Kensi swallowed past the lump in her throat. "No, i-it's okay."

Instead of answering, Sam came over and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. It was brotherly, meant to comfort, and it did. Comfort her, that is. It also damn near brought her to tears.

"He'll come back, Kens." Sam told her, and gave her one last reassuring smile before leaving, shutting the door behind him just like Deeks had done.

Too exhausted to even wait for her mom, Kensi shut her eyes and fell asleep almost immediately, the image of a blonde-haired, blue-eyed little boy running through her mind. Whether it was Deeks as a little boy, or her unborn child, she didn't know.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

When Kensi woke up, the light in her room had shifted, telling her that it was sometime in the afternoon instead of morning. She blinked, and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She quickly glanced at the chair next to her bed, and her heart fell when she didn't see Deeks, but instead her mom.

"Hey, honey, you're awake," her mom greeted her quietly, a smile on her face as she rubbed Kensi's hair back from her forehead.

"Hey, mom," Kensi whispered.

"How are you feeling?"

Kensi gave a shaky laugh. "Do you know how many people have asked me that today?'

"I know, I know," Julia chuckled. "but I'd like to hear the answer you haven't been giving people."

Kensi sighed. "Well, truthfully, I really, _really _want a hamburger, but all they're giving me is jello and pudding. My head hurts, this IV is annoying, all I've done is cry all day, and I actually really have to pee."

Her mom laughed, and patted Kensi's hand. "I'll get a nurse to help you get out of bed, considering you're still pretty drugged up from this morning."

Her mom came back with a nice nurse about Kensi's age. She couldn't help but think about how, after he was shot, Deeks basically flirted with every nurse that came into his room. She figured he'd probably flirt with this one, too, whether he was interested in her or not, just to annoy Kensi. The little smile the thought gave her disappeared once she remembered that Deeks wasn't here.

Once the nurse—whose name was Amber—helped her move so she wouldn't yank out the IV in her hand, Kensi tried walking to the bathroom on her own, but her mom was right about the drugs still in her system, and she barely made it three feet. She felt weak-kneed, wobbly, and hated the feeling of the cold air against the open back of her hideous hospital gown. All in all, she was not feeling like her usual kick-ass self.

Once she finished using the bathroom, Amber put in a new IV, one that wasn't nearly as itchy as the last.

"Just press this button when you're ready for that headache medicine," Amber said, with a smile. "And I'll see what I can do about getting you some different food."

"Thank you," Kensi replied.

Amber left and Kensi was alone again with her mom. Julia pulled out her phone to check the time, and Kensi's brain immediately went to another time—two months ago to be exact—involving a phone…

_Deeks lips ran up and down her neck, kissing her throat, her collarbone. Kensi tilted her head back, the sensation of his lips against her skin flowing through and warming her entire being. He had just moved his lips back to claim hers, when his phone, sitting on his coffee table, started vibrating loudly._

_ "You gonna get that?" she sighed against his lips, tugging at the hem of his shirt, letting her hands slip up underneath the fabric to feel the defined muscles of his stomach._

_ "Wasn't planning on it," he murmured, smiling against her mouth. "I've got much better things to do at the moment."_

_ Kensi gasped, her teeth grazing his bottom lip as he lifted her up, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist, and carried her into his bedroom, his mouth never breaking contact with hers…_

Kensi took a deep breath, blinking away the vivid images.

"Deeks called you, right?" she asked, her voice quiet.

"Yeah, he did." her mom replied.

"What'd he tell you?"

Julia paused. "He told me that you were at the hospital because you lost the baby. I got over here as fast as I could."

Kensi saw her mom's chin wobble a little, and Kensi had to remember that her mom had lost a grandchild. Thinking about how ecstatic her mom had been when Kensi had told her a couple weeks ago, and comparing it to now, pulled at Kensi's heart.

"When did you tell him, by the way? Deeks, I mean," her mom asked, clearing her throat, and Kensi almost considered not answering, because she knew Julia would be disappointed in her.

She looked down, not meeting her mother's eyes. "I didn't tell him. He found out his morning from the doctors." She whispered.

It Julia a second to realize what she'd said.

"Oh, Kensi—"

"I know, mom. Okay? I know. I _should have_ told him, and I didn't. I should've…" Kensi trailed off as she felt tears once again burn in her eyes. "I didn't tell him, okay? So whatever you have to say, it can't be worse than what I'm already saying to myself. It can't be worse than what he's thinking."

Her mother started rubbing little circles on the back of Kensi's hand with her thumb. "It's okay, sweetheart. I understand. And I'm here for you. I'm on your side."

"Well, that makes one of us on my side," Kensi muttered. "He hates me, mom."

"He doesn't hate you, Kensi."

"You didn't see the look on his face. He was so angry at me. And I know I shouldn't blame him for being angry—he has every right to be. I know it's all my fault, but still, I just…" Kensi felt a couple more tears slip down her cheeks and she just about screamed in frustration. She really wished she had her gun and a paper target in front of her.

"He'll come around, Kensi. He will." Her mom said, but Kensi wasn't convinced.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Deeks hit the punching bag again, this time imagining it was Reeze in front of his glove. Feeling a little better imagining that he was breaking the guys face open, he hit it again. Then again and again and again. He hit the bag with Reeze's imaginary face on it till his hands were sore and sweat dripped down his face and soaked the collar of his shirt.

After leaving the hospital that morning, he'd driven around aimlessly for about an hour, somehow ending up at the beach. He walked along the sand till afternoon set in, and from there he went back to OSP. With no new case, and not having the patience for paperwork, he'd put on his workout clothes, grabbed a pair of boxing gloves, and made his way to the empty gym.

So filled with his own anger and frustration and the sound of his blood rushing in his ears, he didn't know Sam had come in till the big guy caught and steadied the punching bag. Deeks stepped back, breathing hard. He took his gloves off and grabbed his water, feeling Sam's gaze on him the whole time.

"No offense, but I don't really want a pep talk right now," Deeks told the older agent.

Sam shrugged. "Okay. I'll listen instead. What's on your mind?"

Deeks raised an eyebrow. "I don't know if talking's gonna help,"

"Talking always helps. We talked after the torture, and that helped both of us get through it. So you talk, I'll listen." Sam reasoned.

Deeks knew he was right. He took a deep breath, running a hand through his damp hair…

_Deeks brushed Kensi's damp hair away from her forehead, pulling the sheets tighter around them as she curled up next to him._ _He lazily kissed her forehead, her neck, and her kiss-swollen lips. Her eyelids fluttered shut and her breathing evened out and he could tell she was asleep. Minutes later, with her breath against his chest, his arms wrapped around her, he too fell asleep._

"I'm angry and frustrated," Deeks started. "I'm angry at Reeze for hurting Kensi and hurting the baby. Honestly, I wanna kill the guy. To me, jail isn't enough for what he did. I'm angry at myself for not knowing that Kensi was pregnant. I'm angry at Kensi for not _telling _me she was pregnant."

Deeks paused, feeling a little better.

He kept going. "I mean, I don't know _why _she didn't tell me. She said it was because she wasn't sure how, and maybe that's true, but still, all she had to say was 'yeah, I'm pregnant and you're the father'. I mean, how hard is that? I just… I care about her…I-I love her, alright? And it pisses me off that we had that night together and now she'll barely look at me, let alone mention it. She is just the most frustrating person I have _ever _met, and she's so stubborn, and I…I was a _father_, Sam."

Deeks hit the bag several more times. Sam let him, just watching, waiting. Breathing hard, Deeks stopped, and stumbled back against the wall, leaning his head back.

"I was a father," he whispered.

Sam came over, and pulled him into a brief hug, despite Deeks' sweatiness. Sam stepped back, giving Deeks' shoulders a reassuring squeeze before letting his hands fall back down to his sides.

"Alright, now I _am _going to talk," Sam said. "I know you're mad. And I know you're mad at Kensi for not telling you. I can't say I know what you're going through because I haven't lost a child before, but I can understand more than anyone else because I'm a father, too. And as a father, and as a friend, I'm going to tell you this: you need to go be there for Kensi."

Deeks opened his mouth to say something, but Sam held up a hand.

"Let me finish," he said sternly, but gently. "Kensi's your _partner, _Deeks. That means that you're supposed to have her back all the time. She's also your friend, even if it may not feel like it right now. But above all, she is the mother of your unborn child."

Deeks thought about that for a moment, deciding that Sam was right. He stayed quiet.

"I know that you care about her, love her even, despite how angry you are at her right now. I don't know why Kensi didn't tell you, but I do know that she cares about you too, even if she's not very good at showing it. This has been tough on her so far, and she needs somebody to be there for her, right now. She needs _you _to be there for her. So go protect your partner, okay?"

Deeks nodded, all the fight leaving his body. He was still upset, but Sam was right. Kensi had still been carrying his child, and if anyone should be with her, it should be him. And she was his partner. And he had to have his partner's back.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Kensi blinked, trying to remember what had happened before she had fallen asleep. Pressing the button…headache fading…her mom telling her to get sleep. Her mom. Kensi looked over at the chair by her bed, expecting to see her mother, but instead, her eyes caught on blonde locks and eyes as blue as the sky.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," he replied just as quietly.

"Where's my mom?"

"I told her I'd take over for a while. She went home for the night."

"What time is it?" she asked, noticing that instead of sunlight, there was a little lamp illuminating her room.

Deeks glanced at his watch. "About quarter after eleven."

"Deeks…" Kensi started. "You didn't have to stay this late. I would've been okay. How long have you been here?"

"About seven hours," he replied, one corner of his mouth quirking up the tiniest bit.

"You didn't have to do that," she repeated, but it sounded halfhearted. Truth was that she was incredibly grateful to have him here. She couldn't even imagine what it would've been like if she had woken up alone. She probably would've—involuntarily—cried a river.

"Well, I've got to have my partner's back, right?" he asked, and this time she got at least a third of a smile.

She gave a little laugh and nodded in agreement, almost crying a river right then and there.

**Alright, so a little happier ending than the last chapter =) Don't worry, still plenty of angst left =)**

**I will update as soon as I can!**

**Please leave me a review and tell me what you think!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-DaughterOfPoseidon333**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, you guys are absolutely amazing! I honestly can't say that enough. The feedback is so wonderful, so thank you so much!**

**Disclaimer still stands.**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter Four

"Okay, they didn't have Rocky Road in the hospital cafeteria, only chocolate and vanilla. Didn't know what kind you wanted, so I did a swirl. Now you can have the best of both worlds," Deeks gave Kensi a little smile as he set the Styrofoam bowl of ice cream down in front of her. "Not a burger, but it's better than jello,"

"Thanks," Kensi looked up at him, offering him a brief smile. She brushed her hair back from her face, grabbed the spoon he gave her, and took up a spoonful of ice cream.

Deeks sat down in the chair next to her bed, digging into his own ice cream. It was a little after midnight, and though Deeks had been at the hospital for hours, he didn't feel tired. He would stay up all night for Kensi if that's what it took.

"Definitely better than jello," Kensi mumbled around a mouthful.

"Glad it was worth it," Deeks grinned. "The lady working the nightshift looked like she wanted to stab me with a fork,"

"What'd you say to her?" Kensi asked.

"Why do you assume that I said something to offend her?"

Kensi raised an eyebrow. "Well, you have a tendency to piss people off,"

"I know, it's a gift," he smiled as she snorted and rolled her eyes, taking another bite of her ice cream.

For a second, it was like their normal banter, but then silence fell across the room like a blanket once again, emphasizing exactly how different things between them had become. Deeks looked at Kensi. He noticed the bags under her eyes, the way she was half-heartedly eating her ice cream, when normally, if he put a bowl of ice cream in front of her, she'd be devouring it with vigor.

"How are you doing, Kens?" he asked quietly, realizing that he hadn't asked her yet.

"Deeks," she groaned. "Do you know how many times I've been asked that today? Seriously, if I'm asked how I'm doing or how I'm feeling one more time, I'm going to shoot somebody,"

"With what gun?" he smirked.

She glared at him murderously.

"Humor me," he urged.

She sighed, poking her ice cream with a spoon. "I don't know," she mumbled. "I'm okay, I guess. More than anything though…I feel weird…just _off. _Like I'm missing something. I mean, obviously, I _am _missing something…"

She trailed off, and Deeks watched as she lifted a hand and placed it over her stomach. He wondered if she knew she was doing it, or if it was subconscious. Either way, the action made his heart climb into his throat, because he knew there wasn't a baby there anymore. _Their _baby wasn't there anymore.

"What was it like?" he whispered.

She met his eyes, confusion wrinkling her brow. "What? Being pregnant?"

He nodded. She looked surprised, like she couldn't understand why he'd want to know. But he was curious. He would never know this child, never get to hold them or see their face, so this was the closest he was going to get.

"Well," Kensi took a deep breath, noticing her hand's placement on her stomach for the first time. She moved her hand, and Deeks noticed it tremble as she did so. "It was, uh, it was quite the experience," she gave a little laugh, and Deeks had to smile.

"I didn't know for sure, at first. I mean I knew when I was late that it was possible, of course, but I wasn't sure until I took the pregnancy test." Kensi blushed, like she was embarrassed, but Deeks only scooted closer to her bed, taking her hand in his comfortingly, signaling to her that he wanted to hear more. "I went and talked to my mom after that. She was…_overjoyed. _She was so excited,"

Deeks ran his thumb across the back of her hand as he saw her eyes start to shine with tears. She took a deep breath, and Deeks' heart squeezed in his chest as he watched her struggle to speak.

"Morning sickness is awful, just so you know," Kensi went on, giving a little laugh. "I mean I wasn't huge yet, so there wasn't a whole lot. Mostly I'd been sleeping more, eating more. And of course throwing up every morning,"

"Only your mom knew, right?" he asked quietly, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Apparently he didn't do a very good job, because she winced just slightly, guilt flashing across her features. She pulled her hand away from his. Deeks inwardly cursed himself. He didn't want to hurt her, didn't want to make her feel any guiltier than she already did, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't help but resent—not her—but the fact that she hadn't told him. He couldn't help but think about what he missed out on. He could've woken up every morning with her by his side, enveloped in the glow of pregnancy. He would've bought her all the junk food she wanted. He would've teased her about her weird cravings, but secretly he would've loved it because it was _her. _He would've tied her shoes when she could no longer see past her swollen belly. He would've called her beautiful and murmured words to the baby as he kissed her stomach. He even would've held her hair back as she puked.

"I'm sorry," he told her gently. "I didn't mean it to come out that way,"

She shrugged. "I know. It's okay," but Deeks could tell by the strain in her voice that it was anything but okay.

"Yes, only my mom knew," she whispered, answering his earlier question.

He nodded, casting his eyes towards the floor.

"Deeks, I'm sorry," Kensi breathed, and he looked up to see tears pooling in her eyes. "I'm so sorry. And I know I will never be able to say that enough, I can never make it up to you, I j—I just…I'm sorry."

"Kens—"

"I'm tired. I think I'm gonna sleep," she said, cutting him off.

She rolled onto her side, facing away from him. He watched as her body shook with silent sobs. _Nice job, Deeks, now look what you've done, _he scolded himself.

"Kens?" he asked.

No answer.

"Do you want me to get you some extra blankets or something?"

Still no reply.

Deeks sighed, running his hands through his hair, then down his face…

_…One of Kensi's hands twined around his neck, fingers running through his hair as he kissed her, the other ran up and down the side of his face, thumb brushing across the stubble on his jaw. He hadn't been sure what she'd do when he kissed her, but it had been the only thing he could think of doing to stop her from leaving. To his surprise, she'd returned the kiss after only a second of hesitation. He pulled her body closer to his, and the only thing he could think was that he should've kissed her months ago…_

Deeks picked up their half-eaten bowls of ice cream and threw them in the trash out in the hallway. He came back in, and covered her up with an extra blanket just in case she was cold. Her breathing had slowed, and he could tell she was asleep. He leaned over and pressed a lingering kiss to the top of her head.

"I'm sorry, Kens," he whispered, then went and sat back down in his chair. Soon enough, his lids began to feel heavy, and he slowly drifted into sleep. He dreamed about a little girl—his daughter?—with dark brown waves and a smile that lit up the world.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Kensi woke up to see Deeks smiling down at her.

"What are you so happy about?" she muttered as she rubbed the sleep out her eyes, noticing the time on the clock read that it was almost noon. She was really tired of sleeping, but that was really all she wanted to do.

"Good news," was all he said.

"Yeah?" she asked, sitting up.

"The doc said you can go home tomorrow morning," he told her.

"Really?" she asked, not being able to help the corners of her mouth from twitching up into a smile.

"Yup. And to celebrate, I got you a little something," he grinned, and for the first time, she noticed he was holding something behind his back.

"Should I be scared?" she asked, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

Instead of answering, he pulled out a Burger King bag. "I got you that burger you've been wanting so badly,"

"Oh my god, _finally_!" she breathed, snatching the bag from his outstretched hand.

He laughed as she too a huge bite out of one of the burgers.

"Thank you, so much," she mumbled around a mouthful of beef.

"You're welcome,"

As Kensi ate, she noticed Deeks was lounging on a love seat. It had a pillow and a blanket piled on one side. She figured he must have had someone bring it in for him at some point last night, or that morning. _Good, _she thought. She was glad he got some sleep. She was beyond grateful that he was here with her, but he needed rest too.

` "Knock, knock," came a voice from outside Kensi's door, and she looked up to see Nell poking her head in.

"Hey," Kensi greeted, grateful to see her friend.

Nell came into the room, carrying a bag, and Kensi could only wonder what was in it.

Deeks glanced over at her. "You don't mind if I go home for a bit, do you? I'll be back later,"

"Yeah, that's fine," Kensi told him. "I'm sure I'll be safe here with Nell,"

"Oh, I don't doubt it," Deeks grinned, winking at Nell, who simply smirked at him.

"Hey, Deeks," Kensi called as he neared the door, and she tried not to think about him walking out yesterday, angry and hurt.

"Yeah?" he turned to look at her.

"Would you mind stopping by my apartment and just picking up some clothes for me? I don't really wanna have to go home in this," she asked, gesturing to her hospital gown, ignoring the knowing smile Nell cast in her direction.

Deeks was silent for a moment, blue eyes boring into hers.

"Sure," he finally replied. "Do you need anything else?"

"Maybe just my laptop. I actually think that's still at work, if you don't mind,"

"No problem. I'll see you later then," Deeks told her, smiling, and then he was gone.

"Alright," Nell said, sitting down where Deeks had been a minute ago, pulling out of her bag a pint of Rocky Road and two spoons. "Tell me everything,"

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Yesterday, Kensi hadn't gotten to tell the whole story in detail, but she did now—in between bites of Rocky Road. Nell was a good listener. She didn't interrupt once, but squeezed Kensi's hand whenever she struggled to get the words out.

"I'm really sorry about the baby, Kensi," Nell told her quietly, her delicate brows pulling together in concern.

Kensi was quiet for a minute, remembering the pained look on Deeks' face yesterday when she told him about losing the baby.

"He's so mad at me," Kensi said. "And he has every reason to be,"

"He's just hurt, Kens," Nell told her. "Deeks acts like nothing bothers him, but when it comes to you…"

Nell let that sentence hang in the air, along with every implication it came with. Kensi placed a hand over her stomach, like she had many nights at home when she was pregnant. She would stand in front of the mirror, turn from side to side, and smile, imagining the little boy she wanted getting bigger and bigger with each passing day.

"Why does he care so much?" Kensi muttered, half to herself, not really expecting an answer.

"Because he loves you." Nell stated simply.

Kensi looked up at her in surprise.

"Oh, come on, Kensi!" Nell cried. "Can't you see it? The way he looks at you? Believe me, he would do anything for you,"

"He shouldn't love me," Kensi said quietly. "All I've done is hurt him these past months. I ignored the kiss, and I yelled at him when he brought it up. I didn't tell him about the baby…and I don't want to hurt him, I don't. I just…"

"It's Jack, isn't it?" Nell asked quietly. "You think if you let him in, he'd going to leave you like Jack did?"

Kensi nodded, knowing it was partly true. "And I know I shouldn't think like that because Deeks _isn't _Jack, but... Jack was the last person I felt this way about, and when I'm with Deeks…those feelings scare me. I can't get past the part of me that is afraid to let anyone in."

"You and Deeks will figure it out," Nell replied.

"How?"

Nell shrugged. "You just will,"

"Why are you so sure?"

"Because Deeks loves you." Nell repeated. "And you love him, no matter how much you deny it. That's why I'm sure you two will work this out."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Laptop, laptop, laptop," Deeks muttered to himself as he looked around Kensi's desk. "Lapt—ha!"

Deeks spotted her bag underneath her desk and pulled her laptop out, tucking it into the backpack he had with her clothes in it.

"Mr. Deeks!" Hetty's voice rang out.

"Coming—ow!" he cursed as he sat up—forgetting momentarily that he was still ducked under Kensi's desk—smacking his head on the wood.

"You okay under there, Deeks?' Sam chuckled from his desk.

Deeks rubbed his head as he stood. "Awesome, I am awesome."

Callen shook his head, laughing as he and Sam shared a look.

"Sometime this century, Mr. Deeks," Hetty called out again.

"You better get over there before she comes after you with her letter opener," Callen smirked.

Deeks slung the back pack over his shoulder and headed over to Hetty's office. He sat down in the chair across form her, watching as she took a sip of tea.

"Am I in trouble?" he asked.

Hetty peered at him through her glasses. "Have you done something wrong?"

"Not that I'm aware of, no." he replied slowly. "So what did want to talk about?"

"I wanted to know how Kensi was doing," Hetty stated.

"Oh,"

Hetty raised an eyebrow, and he realized that his tone of voice, once again, had betrayed him.

"I meant 'oh' like 'oh, that's all you wanted to talk about', not 'oh' like "oh, _that's _what you wanted to talk about'. I mean—"

"Mr. Deeks," Hetty interrupted him.

"Sorry. Anyway…she's doing okay." He replied.

"Just okay?"

"Well…I think she's more upset about losing the baby than she's letting on,"

"Your child, correct?'" Hetty asked, though Deeks knew that she already knew it was his.

"Yes," he answered.

"How are _you _doing with it all?" Hetty asked.

"Me? I'm…" Deeks considered lying, but he knew Hetty would see right through that. "I'm not doing all that great, I guess. I'm upset that she didn't tell me. I feel…betrayed, almost. But I'm putting that aside, because I have to be there for her."

Hetty smile admiringly at him. "She is very lucky to have a partner like you. She's very lucky to have a _friend _like you. I understand that you are upset, but I'm so glad that you are there for her. She's struggling, yes?"

Deeks nodded.

"She cares for you, Mr. Deeks. Don't blame her too much for pushing you away. She only does it because she's afraid of losing you." Hetty told him, and Deeks had the sense that the conversation was over.

"Thank you, Hetty," he told the small woman, and she gave him a smile and took another sip of her tea.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

By the time Deeks got back to the hospital the sun was setting behind him as he walked in through the double doors. When he got to Kensi's room, Nell was gone and her mom was in Nell's place.

"Hey, Marty," she whispered as he walked in.

He looked over at Kensi and saw she was asleep again. Wow, she'd been right about the whole 'sleeping more' thing. Even though she wasn't pregnant anymore, he assumed her body was trying to sort itself out again, and it was just wearing her down.

He noticed her hair was damp, and guessed that she'd had a shower. Her hospital gown looked fresh, and there was an empty food tray on the table by the side of her bed. She'd been busy while he'd been gone.

"I'm going to go, if you don't mind," Julia told him quietly.

"Yeah, no problem," he nodded, setting his bags down.

As Julia was walking out, she turned to him. "I know that since she lost her father, she's been very cautious about letting people close to her, but she does care for you, Marty. You should've seen her when you weren't here. She was always looking at the door. And whenever it opened and it wasn't you, she got so disappointed."

Deeks glanced over at Kensi and Julia smiled.

"I know how much you care for her, and I am so glad, so grateful, that she has you in her life. I know things are rough between you two right now, but please, _please, _don't give up on her."

"Never," Deeks told her.

Julia smiled at him, gave his hand a squeeze, then left, quietly shutting the door behind her.

Deeks took his place next to Kensi's bed, watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she slept. He felt some of his anger slip away. After all, how could he ever, possibly stay mad at the person he cared about most?

**So there's chapter 4! Hope you guys liked it =) I know there hasn't been a whole lot of action, mostly talking, but next chapter we'll see Deeks and Kensi back in the work environment, and we'll see what happens there =)**

**Don't forget to leave a review and tell me what you think!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-DaughterOfPoseidon333**


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